RADIO PREP
Over the years I have collected lots of humorous prep from my radio shows,
here are some of the best from my special features
BONEHEAD AWARDS *** STUPID LAWS *** WACKEY NEWS *** TOP 5 THING'S
WACKEY
NEWS HEADLINES
A 43-year-old father and his two teenage sons played rugby with a live mortar.
A school in West Lothian is employing a full-time toilet assistant to stop pupils from smoking at break times.
A man caught growing cannabis on his balcony has told police he was creating the set for a film about Bob Marley.
Florida police say they're charging a seven-year-old boy whose father let him drive his car on the road as a treat.
A Serbian man nearly died trying to swim to Italy to see his girlfriend because he didn't have enough money for the ferry.
An unemployed Italian has been accused of issuing false parking and speeding tickets to make money.
One man has been killed and another seriously injured after sarcastically applauding a Philippines karaoke singer's off-key rendition of 'My Way'.
Police in the Phillippines are warning of a band of gay men who rob their male victims at knifepoint before stealing a kiss.
A Norwegian soccer referee says he tried to avoid giving out yellow and red cards because he suffers from dyslexia.
A group of prostitutes in Romania are offering their hard up customers credit and installment schemes.
An elderly man who attended a distant relative's wedding was shocked to find the bride was his own son's fiancee.
A
South African motorist has stunned police by insisting he has a right to use
his wife's driving licence - because the law states married
couples share
their property.
An Italian student took her final law exam in a hospital delivery room after authorities said giving birth was not an excuse to miss the test.
A woman has received medical treatment, including oxygen, after getting her finger stuck in her sink's waste disposal unit for five hours.
A South African police officer who leads an anti-drink-driving unit has been arrested on suspicion of drink-driving.
Dutch police called to deal with a break in at one of their own police stations found a tramp cooking sausages.
The fire brigade had to be called in after an 11-year-old got his fingers stuck in a condom machine.
Police in Paraguay have uncovered a scheme in which teeth stolen from dead bodies are being sold as new dentures.
An elderly couple have been arrested in the US for allegedly performing a sex act in a booth at a fast food restaurant.
A Florida woman has been charged with stabbing her 19-year-old son in the buttocks because he wouldn't get up for work.
A Japanese man's attempt to rob a bank failed when he collapsed with hunger.
A Chinese man caught shoplifting while wearing women's underwear told police he believed the lingerie made his crimes undetectable.
Police in the Phillippines are warning of a band of gay men who rob their male victims at knifepoint before stealing a kiss.
A Norwegian soccer referee says he tried to avoid giving out yellow and red cards because he suffers from dyslexia.
A group of prostitutes in Romania are offering their hard up customers credit and installment schemes.
An elderly man who attended a distant relative's wedding was shocked to find the bride was his own son's fiancee.
A South African motorist has stunned police by insisting he has a right to use his wife's driving licence - because the law states married couples share their property.
An Italian student took her final law exam in a hospital delivery room after authorities said giving birth was not an excuse to miss the test.
A woman has received medical treatment, including oxygen, after getting her finger stuck in her sink's waste disposal unit for five hours.
Dutch police called to deal with a break in at one of their own police stations found a tramp cooking sausages.
The fire brigade had to be called in after an 11-year-old got his fingers stuck in a condom machine.
Police in Paraguay have uncovered a scheme in which teeth stolen from dead bodies are being sold as new dentures.
An elderly couple have been arrested in the US for allegedly performing a sex act in a booth at a fast food restaurant.
A Florida woman has been charged with stabbing her 19-year-old son in the buttocks because he wouldn't get up for work.
Psychotherapists in Germany are conducting the world's first therapeutic study to help men who can't use public toilets.
A campaigner for Japanese men who complain they've been falsely accused of molesting women has been arrested for allegedly taking photos up a woman's skirt.
Authorities in Canada have found a murderer who disappeared two months ago hiding in a prison workshop.
A Texas woman got a bullet embedded in her head after testing her friend's gun on a Teflon-coated pan.
An Indian gardener has gone to court to complain he has been given no work for years, despite being paid for it.
Police in Nebraska say a burglary suspect whose victim shot at him returned to steal her underwear as she reported the crime.
Australian Rules authorities have reprimanded a player who kissed an opponent instead of punching him.
A police camera has filmed a duck breaking the speed limit in Germany.
Police in Colombia arrested a couple for making love in a cash machine cubicle for more than an hour.
An Australian motorist has been convicted of assault after sneezing from close range in a police officer's face.
Florida police say they followed a naked driver for half a mile down a motorway while he got dressed.
A free bicycle hire scheme of Vienna city council has backfired after 750 of them were stolen in less than a week.
A Italian drug dealer sentenced to house arrest has spent seven months living on a doormat after being evicted.
A young couple had to be rescued after their car sank in a manure pit during a trip to the country.
A 75-year-old man who spent three years persuading a 23-year-old woman to marry him has left her the day after their wedding.
Lithuania has scrapped a ruling ordering women to undergo gynaecological examinations to qualify for a driver's licence.
A survey claims that 60% of office workers have had a fling with a colleague.
Prostitutes in a Romanian town are giving up oral sex because they say it's a sin.
A burglar tried to hide from police by standing in a shop window display and pretending to be a dummy.
Police in Canada say they caught a man who robbed a garage when his getaway car ran out of petrol.
A Nowegian company boss is offering a two-month holiday to burglars who keep breaking in.
An Italian professor says it takes 15 minutes of oral sex to burn off the calories consumed in a long sip of wine.
Fourteen young Muslim couples have been arrested in Malaysia for cuddling.
Three Norwegian men are being put on trial for throwing paper aeroplanes at the US embassy in Oslo.
A train company has apologised to passengers left stranded after their driver pressed the wrong button and uncoupled two carriages.
A wheelchair user has been arrested in Germany for driving his electric-powered device while more than six times over the legal limit.
Police in Dublin have rushed to the scene of a suspected bank robbery only to find the 'robbers' were fellow officers.
A Melbourne man has admitted using hidden cameras to film up the skirts of 47 women.
Four
prisoners have been charged with contempt of court for throwing excrement
at a juror, farting into a microphone and baring their
buttocks at the judge.
A New Jersey journalist has apologised for writing a headline saying "Roasted Nuts" about a fire in a psychiatric hospital.
Prisoners in Thailand are swallowing the phlegm of inmates with tuberculosis in a bid to get early release.
Authorities in Canada have found a murderer who disappeared two months ago hiding in a prison workshop.
A Japanese woman spat out a human fingertip after biting into a rice ball snack she'd just bought.
A British 70-year-old intending to visit family in California, ended up in Costa Rica after getting the wrong flight.
Six Japanese schoolchildren have been banned from a judo tournament for plucking their eyebrows.
Health chiefs have apologised for asking a 103-year-old to bring his mum and dad to an appointment.
Hundreds of cardboard policemen are helping to control traffic in the capital of Lithuania.
Doctors in Spain are refusing to carry out a weight reduction operation because their patient is too heavy for the operatin
A Kent schoolboy dropped a message in a bottle in the Caribbean only for it to wash up ten miles from his home.
A husband and wife in Nevada both face drink-driving charges after being stopped at the same time driving separate cars.
A woman is trying to give up smoking to help cure her pet dog's 20-a-day addiction to cigarette ends.
Police
dealing with a delivery woman's complaint that she was bitten by a sheepdog
tried to find the culprit by holding an identity parade of
black-and-white
border collies.
Police in Ohio caught a suspect they were chasing when his false leg fell off.
A Serb who went to the doctor feeling ill found out he had four kidneys.
A man sleeping on a beach ended up with a barnacle stuck to his penis.
A stray dog has left jail in Brazil after serving a year-and-a-half for biting a lorry driver.
More men are shunning sex in favour of a cup of cocoa and an early night.
A Chinese couple who walked around town handcuffed together to show their love have been mistaken for escaped convicts.
Hundreds of motorists have been booked in an Edinburgh street for parking on double yellow lines that do not exist.
Police
chiefs are investigating claims a PC radioed colleagues for help when he got
caught on a supermarket toilet and found there was
no toilet roll.
A
Slovakian motorist who blew up his car and a petrol station when he used a
cigarette lighter to look into his petrol tank is to be charged with
endangering
public safety.
A man who was visiting the building site of his tomb has died after falling into it.
A
Dutch trucker was involved in a crash three days before he was due to hold
a party to celebrate one million kilometres of accident
free driving.
A burglar seeking to earn a honest living has been arrested by police after he left his CV at the scene of a crime.
A German caused a huge traffic jam after he threw his lederhosen out of the window during a row with his girlfriend.
A police dog has forced a football match to be abandoned after running on to the pitch and biting three players.
A man has been arrested in the US after allegedly microwaving his girlfriend's dog.
A Glasgow woman is considering suing Cadbury's after finding a live maggot in a tin of drinking chocolate.
A prisoner in the Philippines has escaped while out drinking with another inmate and one of their guards.
A woman in Hong Kong was told to stop breastfeeding her son because the library they were in didn't allow any eating or drinking.
A family in Darwin, Australia, have been held hostage in their home by an angry pig.
A US hunter has been badly injured after being shot by his own dog.
A Chinese man has swallowed 162 rusty nails during a week of public performances.
A woman who urinated in a council office has been praised by politicians for highlighting the poor state of public toilets.
A Swedish woman logged onto the internet to check her bank balance and found she'd become the country's richest person.
A Swedish woman logged onto the internet to check her bank balance and found she'd become the country's richest person.
A man in the US has been fined after accidentally shooting himself as he tried on a pair of trousers in a shop.
A fugitive prisoner was rearrested after he tried to hitch a ride with two unidentified policemen.
A
British woman and her husband have been robbed in Singapore by three men who
reportedly broke into their home wearing only
their underwear.
Detectives
are hunting for a one-armed, four-and-a-half-foot tall, limping hunchback
who has an Irish accent in connection with a £10,000
jewellery raid.
A Croatian woman who slept with two men at the same time has given birth to twins with two different fathers.
A Romanian soldier who collapsed on the parade ground has been diagnosed as suffering from acute sexual frustration.
A
museum is toning down its realistic smells of Roman life after youngsters
on school trips were sick when they smelt an imperial
soldier's flatulence.
The male manager of a top women's football team has quit because he says lesbian affairs have destroyed their team spirit.
A survey shows that nearly a quarter of British men admit to relieving themselves in the shower.
A woman spent 15 minutes trapped in a portable toilet after a bull rammed it at a country fair in Dorset.
A Thai woman drank 10 pints of sweet wine and then walked a zig-zag path between two rows of bottles to win the Miss Drunk title in Bangkok.
Birth control pills donated by the United States to the Philippines are being used as orchid fertiliser, while condoms have become party balloons.
Zoo bosses say they are considering issuing their keepers with gas masks after a group of odorous orang-utans developed a real taste for sprouts.
A man who has been a teacher in India for 17 years has been arrested for 'buying' the job from a friend.
A German woman scheduled for a hernia operation woke up to find the doctor had performed liposuction instead.
A Bulgarian man who lost his temper over a £2.50 tax bill is facing a bill for 100 times more after smashing the windows of his local tax office.
A strike by women at a German brothel came to an end after just an hour when police arrested them for admitting being prostitutes.
An alleged car thief filled up the stolen vehicle with petrol before returning it to a police garage.
A 14-year-old boy caught teasing a 12-year-old girl in India has been forced to marry her.
A man accidentally killed himself while shooting over his shoulder during a police chase
A Norwegian woman is trying to auction off her father in an internet sale.
The owner of a ruined Norman castle has had two letters asking why it doesn't have a TV licence.
A man has been going around a US town faking choking episodes, apparently to get attention from women.
A German artist is planning to open the world's first brothel for dogs in Berlin.
A German woman who thought she'd run over a large Dalmatian was shocked to discover it was a man in a costume.
Norwegian police stopped a 94-year-old jogger because they thought she had escaped from a nursing home.
A blind busker from Chicago was astonished to find he has racked up more than £230 in unpaid parking tickets.
Athletes taking part in a marathon in Washington DC have been forced to stop for red traffic lights along the route.
A Swedish man lost his temper when he came home to find his 51-year-old girlfriend in bed with three other men.
A Russian man is to sue a seed firm after he was knocked unconscious by a giant pumpkin he grew on his balcony.
A Belgian drink-driver was found eating grass in a field.
A Chilean pensioner is homeless after his wife declared him dead and sold their house while he was away.
Two armed bank robbers who stormed into the foyer of a German bank had to leave empty-handed when they found it was shut.
A drunk student who wanted to take his neighbours' dog for a walk in the middle of the night set fire to their house when they refused to let him.
A Kenyan father of nine has cut off his genitals with a knife following a row with his wife.
A US man called police and complained that a burglar had broken into his home and stolen his marijuana.
A Scottish man has been questioned by police after jokingly offering his son for sale on the internet.
Police say an Italian priest who asked prostitutes to dress as nuns was among the clients of a brothel raided by the vice squad.
A confused swan has fallen in love with a swan-shaped pedal boat, and is chasing off anyone who tries to take it out on to the lake.
A Brazilian man accidentally set his own house on fire while trying to get rid of a swarm of mosquitoes.
An Italian prisoner who was given home leave for good behaviour asked to go back to his cell after spending less than a day with his wife.
A lovesick Italian man stole an ambulance so he could serenade his girlfriend with it
A teenager had part of his penis bitten off when three girls asked him to help them practice moves they saw on a porn film.
Thieves with a taste for the high life quaffed vintage champagne and sampled gourmet cheeses during a burglary in Ireland.
A Swedish study, has found divorce can be contagious -but only among men.
A 13-year-old boy has faked his own kidnapping to avoid getting into trouble over being late for school.
Two tax inspectors having a sex session in the back seat of a car were hijacked and taken on a 60-mile journey.
Almost a quarter of British women would try to conceive without their partner's consent if they wanted a baby, says a new survey.
A terrified man was taken on a hair-raising ride after a truck hooked up and drove away a portaloo he was using.
A gang robbing a vet's office for heroin-like painkiller OxyContin instead stole Oxytocin - used to induce childbirth.
A Canadian man who had his testicles ripped out in a domestic row says he deserved it and he still loves his wife.
A survey shows snoring is ruining couples' sex lives, causing rows and even leading people to contemplate breaking up.
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